Broken Inside

Just when I'm not in a good mood, I read her blog... she said, she's missing him...

*sigh*...

I'm in no position of getting jealous isn't it? ^^"

But why am I feeling so down now?

Recently, lots of things happened.. I totally got screwed up in relationships, as always, every single time. I really hate it when I'm giving out my best, but always got turn down for all the effort I've given.

It like... I'm always around when the person I love got hurt. I'll accompany them, entertain them, heal them, then 'send' them away to other guys.. I've been abandoned then.

What's this 'true love' means actually? I've got no goddamn idea! I always thought that, if you are really deep in love with someone, you've gotta sacrifice for them. However, it doesn't seems like it's working..

Every time, when I'm trying to be nice, trying to do anything I could for the one I love, it always turn out to be wrong. At the end, they'll always ended up going ahead with another person, leaving me behind, like a clown who've go off stage, hiding in a corner crying like an idiot.

                    April Fool

Am I a fool since I came to this world a day after April Fool?

2 days ago, Yan said she wanted to take back the ring she gave me.. She should have taken it back when I wanted to give it back to her back then.

Now, I'm just kinda get use to wearing it everyday.. it's a very important ring to me, not only it brings back memories, but it's been with me when I'm sad, hurt, lost, afraid, facing insomnia... and she wanted to take it back just by sending me a message, telling me it's a memorable item to her regardless how I felt?!

                          NO!

This ring is more important to me than anything else! I don't wanna give it back to her, I really don't want to... even though I said i will, but I changed my mind. It's much more important than anything else.


I know I'm an ass, hate me if you want to, despise me as you like! I'm not letting anyone to take any important things from me anymore!


"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part."

 How much more could this broken heart of mine bears?

If I've been healing the hearts of others by making myself looks like a fool, who is the one that will heal mine...?

-2.42pm-