Looking at the tiny chat box in my blog.... HAHA!!! Sorry, it's just funny =P
For a moment, I wanted to 'purify' the 'polluted' chat box, but the next sec, I decided to let it be-- it's just fun to look back at these conversation. Too bad cbox couldn't save all the messages~
UPDATES:
Few days before, I was packed with assignments(even though I keep slacking), vocal lessons, LCCI lessons, and so on. Honestly, kinda stress out with my desktop corrupted, plus some stupid things happening in my blog, haha.
Well, finally I'm done with my Management assignment(rush everything today, HAHA!) thanks to everybody's(esp. Pauline & JJ) assistance as my 'fellowship' today! xD
Plus settled that funny event yesterday~ Phew~~~ finally I have more space to breathe, even though the air is somehow polluted ~_~
Now when I think about it, why did I actually tried to explain things to some strangers that insults me when they know nothing? It's not like I'm very 'civilize', but at least I know how to respect people-- whether they're my guests or my foes. However, this group of.... people, are simply barbarians, and I actually responsed to their 'insults'! O_O
Maybe thanks to the damn management assignment that stressed me out 'til I don't wanna do it instead of entertaining these.... people? hahaha~
I can't say that I had fun with those offensive words but..... well, maybe a little :P
It's been quite sometimes for me to receive THESE whole lot of criticism ya know? The feeling such as my blood boils, heart beats faster, head gets hotter... it's quite a good exercise I would say, LOL
Fortunately, there're still quite some of my Bros & Sis who've been offering me their concerns and supports-- it's not like I was really THAT upset, but still, thanks guys, sorry for restraining you guys' 'freedom of speech' in my blog! I simply don't want you guys to get involve in this matter, memang sorry la bros & sis, haha.. again, thanks for allowing me to handle this on my own, sincerely.
After I handed in my management assignment today, I was and I am real damn HAPPY!!! FINALLY!!! :D
Had fun crapping with Steph & Pauline on our way back home today, as usual~
Not gonna care about the other 2 pending assignments, screw them now, lolz
Two days later is ma day~~ nothing special, just that I'm growing older, again. It's not that important anymore.. even if I'm celebrating with friends, guess it'll be 'just another outing'. Never really look forward to it like I previously did, honestly. Now, as long as I could spend my time with my friends, I'm happy, and that's all matters. I'm still looking forward for this Cheras trip OK?! Don't ffk me again T________T
Not gonna care about anymore 'weird native languages'~ feel free to drop your 'greetings' if you wanna, I don't mind to enchant ma day with it. However, ME-NO-ENTERTAINING, sorry!
p/s: please don't find it offensive if I delete any further message in Cbox, since I have the full authority to remove anything I dislike in MY space anyways =)
Missing a lazy piggie now, hehe... hutan babi~~ sleep 'til you giler then only you know! kekeke...
Alrite, gotta sleep earlier tonight as I promised to someone, Good Night world~~
Owh btw, just been told by my parents that my room is gotta be paint in light-green, *eww* -__________-
What to do? They're my parents, they own the house, not me, accepted the fact as I could do nothing about it >_>
-11.59pm-
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
我是混蛋~
第一次如此绝情，感觉上真地很不像自己呢！简直就是混蛋一个嘛~ ^^"
也好，现在燕把所有与我有关的东西及联络方式都删除了。虽然觉得有点失落，但还是松了口气……俗语说：眼不见为净。以后各走各路，就当彼此没认识过对方吧！这可说是我最不想要的结果啊……
老实说，有点内疚呢~ 可是，有些人就是这样。你越给她面子，她就越是得寸进尺，还是对自己好些吧！
*要是你真那么看重那枚戒指的话，你早就向我要回了。现在只是不想在朋友面前丢面子而已吧？抱歉，没让你如愿。现在，‘它’对我来说，真地很重要，远远重要过你……*
柔呢~~？现在还在陪着妈妈吧？好想念她哦~ : (
-11.35pm-
也好，现在燕把所有与我有关的东西及联络方式都删除了。虽然觉得有点失落，但还是松了口气……俗语说：眼不见为净。以后各走各路，就当彼此没认识过对方吧！这可说是我最不想要的结果啊……
老实说，有点内疚呢~ 可是，有些人就是这样。你越给她面子，她就越是得寸进尺，还是对自己好些吧！
*要是你真那么看重那枚戒指的话，你早就向我要回了。现在只是不想在朋友面前丢面子而已吧？抱歉，没让你如愿。现在，‘它’对我来说，真地很重要，远远重要过你……*
柔呢~~？现在还在陪着妈妈吧？好想念她哦~ : (
-11.35pm-
Friday, March 26, 2010
Broken Inside
Just when I'm not in a good mood, I read her blog... she said, she's missing him...
*sigh*...
I'm in no position of getting jealous isn't it? ^^"
But why am I feeling so down now?
Recently, lots of things happened.. I totally got screwed up in relationships, as always, every single time. I really hate it when I'm giving out my best, but always got turn down for all the effort I've given.
It like... I'm always around when the person I love got hurt. I'll accompany them, entertain them, heal them, then 'send' them away to other guys.. I've been abandoned then.
What's this 'true love' means actually? I've got no goddamn idea! I always thought that, if you are really deep in love with someone, you've gotta sacrifice for them. However, it doesn't seems like it's working..
Every time, when I'm trying to be nice, trying to do anything I could for the one I love, it always turn out to be wrong. At the end, they'll always ended up going ahead with another person, leaving me behind, like a clown who've go off stage, hiding in a corner crying like an idiot.
April Fool
Am I a fool since I came to this world a day after April Fool?
2 days ago, Yan said she wanted to take back the ring she gave me.. She should have taken it back when I wanted to give it back to her back then.
Now, I'm just kinda get use to wearing it everyday.. it's a very important ring to me, not only it brings back memories, but it's been with me when I'm sad, hurt, lost, afraid, facing insomnia... and she wanted to take it back just by sending me a message, telling me it's a memorable item to her regardless how I felt?!
NO!
This ring is more important to me than anything else! I don't wanna give it back to her, I really don't want to... even though I said i will, but I changed my mind. It's much more important than anything else.
I know I'm an ass, hate me if you want to, despise me as you like! I'm not letting anyone to take any important things from me anymore!
"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part."
How much more could this broken heart of mine bears?
If I've been healing the hearts of others by making myself looks like a fool, who is the one that will heal mine...?
-2.42pm-
*sigh*...
I'm in no position of getting jealous isn't it? ^^"
But why am I feeling so down now?
Recently, lots of things happened.. I totally got screwed up in relationships, as always, every single time. I really hate it when I'm giving out my best, but always got turn down for all the effort I've given.
It like... I'm always around when the person I love got hurt. I'll accompany them, entertain them, heal them, then 'send' them away to other guys.. I've been abandoned then.
What's this 'true love' means actually? I've got no goddamn idea! I always thought that, if you are really deep in love with someone, you've gotta sacrifice for them. However, it doesn't seems like it's working..
Every time, when I'm trying to be nice, trying to do anything I could for the one I love, it always turn out to be wrong. At the end, they'll always ended up going ahead with another person, leaving me behind, like a clown who've go off stage, hiding in a corner crying like an idiot.
April Fool
Am I a fool since I came to this world a day after April Fool?
2 days ago, Yan said she wanted to take back the ring she gave me.. She should have taken it back when I wanted to give it back to her back then.
Now, I'm just kinda get use to wearing it everyday.. it's a very important ring to me, not only it brings back memories, but it's been with me when I'm sad, hurt, lost, afraid, facing insomnia... and she wanted to take it back just by sending me a message, telling me it's a memorable item to her regardless how I felt?!
NO!
This ring is more important to me than anything else! I don't wanna give it back to her, I really don't want to... even though I said i will, but I changed my mind. It's much more important than anything else.
I know I'm an ass, hate me if you want to, despise me as you like! I'm not letting anyone to take any important things from me anymore!
"When you're dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part."
If I've been healing the hearts of others by making myself looks like a fool, who is the one that will heal mine...?
-2.42pm-
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Imma Happy Clown?
It doesn't mean that I don't care when I don't mention about it...
It doesn't mean that I'm not serious when I crack jokes about it...
It doesn't mean that I really like to listen to you & his story even though I wanted you to tell me about it...
It doesn't mean that I'm happy though I could smile and laugh it off with a smiley in MSN...
It doesn't mean that I'm feeling nothing even though I'm comforting you or advising you...
*sigh*.......
I DO care, I AM serious, I WANTED to know, I'm NOT happy, I AM hurting myself more than ever!
It's all because.. I want you to be happy.
You just haven't realize.. how important you are to me.
Even though I'm writing things about you while you're writing things about him... Still, what can I say?
-end-
It doesn't mean that I'm not serious when I crack jokes about it...
It doesn't mean that I really like to listen to you & his story even though I wanted you to tell me about it...
It doesn't mean that I'm happy though I could smile and laugh it off with a smiley in MSN...
It doesn't mean that I'm feeling nothing even though I'm comforting you or advising you...
*sigh*.......
I DO care, I AM serious, I WANTED to know, I'm NOT happy, I AM hurting myself more than ever!
It's all because.. I want you to be happy.
Even though I'm writing things about you while you're writing things about him... Still, what can I say?
-end-
Monday, March 15, 2010
笑不出
14/3/2010
下午，去上声乐课…… 由于前一天没睡好，驾车真地很没精神。累得不像样，特别想听见那‘衰女包’的声音，可她却没空……就连在回家的路上，她还是没空。于是，为了让自己能好好驾车，只好拿起电话一直不停地拨！从 Steph -> Chloe -> Linne -> 老姐，可惜每个都不得空，聊了几句就挂断了。
接着，不知怎么地就打给了燕…… 她也在忙，没说几句话就挂了。真后悔自己为什么那么冲动，打了给她后，让我想起了很多，结果一整天的心情根本就没法好起来。
现在的我，跟当时的我有何分别？虽然，每次都告诉自己别想那么多，扮无知继续‘享受’眼前的温柔就好，可还是过不了自己那关啊！明知道最后会受伤的是自己，却还是如此不怕死地陷下去。
每次，都是自己舍不得、放不下。就算已知道了结果，知道她要的不是我，还是会为了怕她受伤而宁愿自己留下陪她，直到她不需要我为止……
这样的‘第二’，我还需要当多久、当多少次？
每次她说“别不开心”、“别难过”时，我就只好让自己别想那么多，想办法让自己开心地笑！可这一秒，我真地笑不出了…… 除了在 MSN 里，还能假装没事般地给她几个笑脸外，我真地没办法让自己开心起来了……
还没做的 Assignments 在眼前摊着…… 5月多的声乐考试也没还搞好…… 什么都不想做了……
下午，去上声乐课…… 由于前一天没睡好，驾车真地很没精神。累得不像样，特别想听见那‘衰女包’的声音，可她却没空……就连在回家的路上，她还是没空。于是，为了让自己能好好驾车，只好拿起电话一直不停地拨！从 Steph -> Chloe -> Linne -> 老姐，可惜每个都不得空，聊了几句就挂断了。
接着，不知怎么地就打给了燕…… 她也在忙，没说几句话就挂了。真后悔自己为什么那么冲动，打了给她后，让我想起了很多，结果一整天的心情根本就没法好起来。
现在的我，跟当时的我有何分别？虽然，每次都告诉自己别想那么多，扮无知继续‘享受’眼前的温柔就好，可还是过不了自己那关啊！明知道最后会受伤的是自己，却还是如此不怕死地陷下去。
每次，都是自己舍不得、放不下。就算已知道了结果，知道她要的不是我，还是会为了怕她受伤而宁愿自己留下陪她，直到她不需要我为止……
这样的‘第二’，我还需要当多久、当多少次？
每次她说“别不开心”、“别难过”时，我就只好让自己别想那么多，想办法让自己开心地笑！可这一秒，我真地笑不出了…… 除了在 MSN 里，还能假装没事般地给她几个笑脸外，我真地没办法让自己开心起来了……
还没做的 Assignments 在眼前摊着…… 5月多的声乐考试也没还搞好…… 什么都不想做了……
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
救生圈
我还是我……做了多少都没有用…… 每次的结果就是成为被遗弃的那个……
原本选择逃避的是我，最后却在挂断手机的那一刻，想起了她独自一人在哭泣…… 我们相识到昨晚的一切的一切，在一刹那就涌入脑海…… 结果，我还是舍不得让她一个人哭，马上就打电话回去了……
可笑的事，当我决定背负着一切，坚决地为她留下时，她却在今天选择了逃避、离开…… 甚至在我追问下，告诉我接受了另一个‘他’…… 这样，她就不需要再烦了吧？这样，她就有人能代替我去疼她了吧？
真的有够蠢啊~ 每次都自己送上门给别人当救生圈！用完了就丢咯~ 这么‘好’的人，哪里找？Pauline 老师真地说得对啊…… 我常常都会自愿成为别人‘过时间’的那个。
好人，就只会被人利用…… 而偏偏，我却改不了这习惯…… 其实，被别人‘称赞’为‘好人’，也只是被兜了个圈骂 ‘笨蛋’ 啊！所以，以方程式来计算的话，就是 《黄俊骐 = ‘好人’ = 笨蛋 + 十级》！ 酷吧？哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈…………………………
不过，老天对我还蛮好的…… 每次在我不开心的时候，就偏偏会下雨……代替了我的哭泣。所以，我没哭。即使我是多么地想放声大哭……
“窗外下着的雨，犹如为我宣泄着无法流出的泪…… 心，还是受伤了…… 或许就如 Pauline 老师说的，再被捅多几次，就会习惯了……”
-12.00am-
原本选择逃避的是我，最后却在挂断手机的那一刻，想起了她独自一人在哭泣…… 我们相识到昨晚的一切的一切，在一刹那就涌入脑海…… 结果，我还是舍不得让她一个人哭，马上就打电话回去了……
可笑的事，当我决定背负着一切，坚决地为她留下时，她却在今天选择了逃避、离开…… 甚至在我追问下，告诉我接受了另一个‘他’…… 这样，她就不需要再烦了吧？这样，她就有人能代替我去疼她了吧？
真的有够蠢啊~ 每次都自己送上门给别人当救生圈！用完了就丢咯~ 这么‘好’的人，哪里找？Pauline 老师真地说得对啊…… 我常常都会自愿成为别人‘过时间’的那个。
好人，就只会被人利用…… 而偏偏，我却改不了这习惯…… 其实，被别人‘称赞’为‘好人’，也只是被兜了个圈骂 ‘笨蛋’ 啊！所以，以方程式来计算的话，就是 《黄俊骐 = ‘好人’ = 笨蛋 + 十级》！ 酷吧？哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈…………………………
不过，老天对我还蛮好的…… 每次在我不开心的时候，就偏偏会下雨……代替了我的哭泣。所以，我没哭。即使我是多么地想放声大哭……
“窗外下着的雨，犹如为我宣泄着无法流出的泪…… 心，还是受伤了…… 或许就如 Pauline 老师说的，再被捅多几次，就会习惯了……”
-12.00am-
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